


The Origin of That Big Fuzzy Fly On Beelzebub’s Head

by TheRealPenguin



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Haha funny, Kinda Crack, Please be nice, first time posting to this site, my friend wrote this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-01
Updated: 2020-07-01
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:08:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25006699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheRealPenguin/pseuds/TheRealPenguin
Summary: How Beezlebub got that fly on his headMy friend wrote this and doesn’t have an account so here we are
Comments: 1
Kudos: 8





	The Origin of That Big Fuzzy Fly On Beelzebub’s Head

Generally speaking, toystores are not occupied by the most stately of customers. Wild, sticky children and their parents rendered catatonic by their endless antics are the primary demographic. However, it is not unusual to find the occasional, pudgy toy collector shuffling down aisles with predatory fervor. Yes, such stores are not strangers to bizarre patrons. However, you will seldom find demonic entities in a toystore. Most are too busy making humans and angels alike miserable to be found perusing shelves stocked with building blocks and teddy bears. But this is not to say that this never happens (for example, Satan’s covert enthusiasm for plastic dinosaurs). Likewise, it was just several years ago when one ill-fated toystore was visited by a particularly nefarious creature. The day was muggy and suitably gloomy as if the weather had anticipated the appearance of something dreadful. However, the atmosphere’s warning went unnoticed. A bell affixed to the entrance door of the toystore chimed meekly, signaling the arrival of a customer. The first thing the staff and customers noticed was the buzzing. It was not the tinny whine of a lone fly, but the collective rumble of hundreds, if not thousands of insects. The handful of children in the store began to wail and clutched at their parents, who were equally mortified by the thick, dark sheet of flies that had floated inside. Their movement was unnaturally uniform as they dispersed to reveal a runty, dour-faced figure. If not for their lifeless, gelid eyes and the lines of wear carved into their face, they may have easily been mistaken for a small child. Adding to their sour complexion were festering boils which, upon first glance, may appear as if they were caused by an affliction most commonly referred to as the Black Plague. However, these pustules were not the source of any discomfort. At least, not to them. The rest of the people in the store were repulsed, although most of them charitably averted their eyes. The children were expectedly less tactful and gawked freely at the wretched figure, who was now stalking through the store. Meanwhile, the swarm of flies took a special interest in the fluorescent lighting and rammed their hollow bodies against the long, crackling bars of light. The being regarded most of the playthings with indifference, but upon finding the aisle containing stuffed animals, their eyes flashed with sudden intrigue. All but one human had evacuated this aisle in response, save for a small boy impervious to the creature’s presence. Like the flies overhead, he was transfixed on something. But it wasn’t the lights. The boy’s focus was entirely on a fuzzy, oversized fly stuffed animal with cartoonishly large red eyes which he held in his hands in a delighted stupor. The child’s toy also garnered the attention of the demon, who began to take strides as long as their stubby legs would permit. They stopped before the boy, a few flies orbiting around the creature’s head like a planet. The child looked up, blinking stupidly with his mouth agape. The demon held out a gnarled hand. 

“That. Give it to me.” The demon preferred to keep things as brief as possible when it came to talking with humans, as they infuriated the creature to no end. 

“No! It’s mine!” The boy shot back, pulling the stuffed toy to his chest. The child was so enchanted by his unremarkable find that he became more concerned with protecting the stuffed animal instead of considering why his challenger looked so strange. The demon cocked an eyebrow, feigning intrigue. 

“Have you bought it?” The creature’s voice was scratchy and low, and it sounded as if there were more flies in the back of their throat, which was not an impossibility. The boy paused and thought on it momentarily. 

“No-but finders keepers losers weepers!” The boy crowed, pleased with his impeccable logic. The corner of the fiend’s mouth twitched. 

“The only perzzon who will be /weeping/ will be /you/ when I zzend you to the deepezzzt pit of Hell.” They hissed. The boy didn’t exactly know what Hell was, but was not too keen on finding out. He promptly dropped the treasure and scurried away. The demon grabbed the discarded toy and assessed it, nodding with satisfaction. “Yezzzzz...” They made their way to the check out counter and threw some crumpled bills at the petrified clerk, who made no move to stop the demon as they walked out of the store without so much as a thank you (if you do not count the grunt of acknowledgment the creature gave the employee after having completed their transaction). The quivering worker watched as the customer placed their newly purchased toy atop their egregiously messy hair as if it were a hat. When young man looked down at the cash he had been given, it was revealed to be play money. Indeed, these counterfeit bills were obtained when the demon had been walking through the board game aisle.


End file.
